Backfired
by zealousfreak27
Summary: After the Baskerville case, John's distant behavior puzzles Sherlock, and he struggles to deduce what could be troubling his friend. Gen.


**AN/ *Faints* WHAT IS THIS MADNESS? I have written gen for Sherlock? The world will end!**

**Warning: excessive fluff?  
**

* * *

Sherlock could say that everything is perfect. That things have gone back to normal. But that would be a lie.

A year ago, he would have been most content with his current situation. His requirements for satisfied living are all filled; he has exciting cases, a shelter over his head, enough money to scrape by and he has not heard from Mycroft since Baskerville.

However, one thing is markedly different now. He has a flatmate and a friend. John is acting in a way that disturbs him. So much so that it is keeping him from complete happiness.

Sherlock's observations are as follows: A day after their return from Baskerville, John began to withdraw. It was not so noticeable at first; Sherlock had thought that it was just a passing quiet. Perhaps John had had a bad day. Eventually it became clear to him that John was actually being cold to him.

In his experience, John is typically warm with everyone, but a smug little creature in him points out that he is usually considerably warmer and more sincere with Sherlock, even when he's pestering him. This behavior is bizarre and unpredictable, and Sherlock hates it.

John has been having nightmares at least three times a week, an increase of nearly 60% comparatively. He is bleary in the morning and won't look Sherlock in the eye.

Sherlock wishes he understood. If he knew the cause, he could fix it. Make everything go back to the way it was. John, smiling, calling Sherlock brilliant.

He's spent much time deliberating over the possible causes of John's distantness. It is 20% likely that it has to do with something Sherlock said/did that he didn't mean in the way John took it, 10% likely to be something silly he can't think of, and 70% of him is sure that it has to do with Baskerville. Evidence: started straight after case.

He hadn't been sure about what during the Baskerville case could have upset John so. He understood that perhaps the drugging and experimenting had gone perhaps a bit far and had even apologized for it. Non-verbally, of course, but John understands him remarkably well. He thought all of that was behind them.

When he returned home, John's behavior had made him dwell on the possibility that he may have been wrong, something that he hated to do.

After some consideration, he came to the conclusion that it may not have been the best choice to dose an ex-soldier on hallucinogen. Thinking on it now, the thoughts hadn't come to him at the time because he never liked to think of John as weak.

Still, Sherlock is fairly sure that there is something that he is missing. He'd felt relieved at the conclusion of the case, for everything had seemed to return to normality; John was not angry, he wasn't crazy because the hound wasn't real, and he actually looked forward to going home. Whatever is bothering John, it is not something that Sherlock is aware of.

He almost misses his old life, when some doctor's day-to-day lifestyle would have had no link to his own. He is so attuned to John and John's actions that any change in them sends ripples through Sherlock's usually placid life. Some part of him looks far ahead and sees this issue never being resolved, and John moving out, perhaps getting married, leaving Sherlock without someone to nag him and be a liability. But then he thinks of empty cab rides, and how little he used to laugh, and warm eyes, and that option is unthinkable.

After two weeks of this, the heavy silence hanging between them like a physical barrier, Sherlock is called in to the Yard for a case. John does not attend.

It's not a dramatic scene. Neither of them lose any sort of control. Sherlock asks, "Coming?" like he always does, allowing nothing into his tone despite the coiling emptiness in his stomach. He is predicting John's negative answer from his body language, and hates that he is right.

He solves the case of course, having to ignore Donovan's comments about "losing his boyfriend." He later makes a point of loudly complaining to Mrs Hudson how hard it is to work without an assistant. He hopes John knows what he is saying. _I need you. _

A week passes and another case arises. John comes this time, and everything seems to become as it was before. They catch the astoundingly stupid murderer and then get Chinese. This is good; this is expected; this is what they do.

But something is off. Something is underlying everything. A tension. John hasn't forgotten his anger and Sherlock can't forget at all. He has to _know_.

John's watching some silly program or other, and Sherlock steeples his fingers and analyses him. He's tensed, now that he's noticed that he's being watched. It's still there, the distance. Sherlock decides that he can't wait any longer; besides, it's obvious from the state of John's clothes and his expression that he had a good day at the clinic, so not frustrated.

He leans forward and says, "Why are you angry with me?"

John's eyes flick over to his and he turns the telly off. There is an air of inevitability to him. "Can't you deduce it?" John-wise, it's not too bitter of a statement; perhaps he is surprised that Sherlock doesn't already know.

Sherlock nods stiffly, as much as it pains him to do so. Now is not the time for excessive pride. "It has to do with Baskerville I presume?" A nod. "I don't know what I did wrong."

John sighs in that beaten-down, painful way of his. "No, you wouldn't, would you?"

Irritation flares up and his mouth opens and stupid, unchecked words flow out. "Yes, I'm finally understanding what it must be like to be you."

John's face does a slideshow of emotions, something Sherlock has always enjoyed about him. So expressive. Unlike Sherlock, he makes an obvious effort to control his words. "Isn't it horrible?"

Sherlock searches for the right words, to make John open up to him. "You know that I don't _do_ sentiment."

"Yes." Absolutely deadpan.

"I don't understand, John." An admission that only John could pull out of Sherlock; hopefully one that will soften him. "What's upset you?"

John smiles, the light of the lamp illuminating his face. "It's not really a problem, Sherlock. I got over it. If I'm going to live here, I may as well get used to it."

"Used to what?" Is he completely wrong? Is it the tongue in the fridge? No, John had confirmed it was Baskerville.

"You manipulating me."

Silence reigns in the room. He knows he manipulates John, he knows it, but he'd never really thought it would bother him. John puts up with so much. Still, Sherlock himself hates to be manipulated, by Mycroft or his father or Moriarty, the only ones capable of it. A rare moment of empathy flashes through him, and a little of his breath is taken away.

But there is still something more. John had been fine after Sherlock apologized. There is something he is missing, and that knowledge burns him.

"What do you mean?" He tries to keep the desperation from his tone, but this is all becoming too emotional for his tastes.

John gives him a _look_. "We both know what I mean." A pause. "That morning, Sherlock. You said all that stuff, about being my friend and that I was stimulating or whatever to get me back in the coffee shop just so you could drug me."

Seconds slip away. Thoughts fly in Sherlock's head. Irrationally, he first feels anger at John. How could John think that? Of course Sherlock meant what he said.

But then, with clarity, he realizes that _had_ been a part of it. Of course John was his friend, of course he was a conductor of light, of course Sherlock had wanted to take back his words. But he'd needed a subject and he'd needed John to stop being angry with him. He would have said all that to John later, of course, but a lot of his brain had been devoted to the upcoming experiment.

And even if that were not the case, John would have a perfectly valid point. When he thinks about it, that really does sound like something he would do. John has observed him with Molly before.

It takes Sherlock ten seconds to come up with a plan. He sees the options, the things he could say or do, and predicts John's reactions to them. He almost fakes emotional distress while forcefully informing John of their status of friendship which they so clearly have. But that would be wrong. Even Sherlock can see that. Now is not a time to be manipulative, obviously.

"Of course you're my friend, John." He can't keep a bit of haughtiness creeping into his tone, because how could John not know that? And then he thinks of the fireplace and the words said in fear and anger and something in him tenses.

John's eyes flicker. "I know that." He takes a deep breath, and Sherlock can't help but think that he must have been doubting it, which just makes him want to... something. He isn't sure what. "But you still manipulate me and it's not fair - you're so hard to - " John stops and Sherlock notices that he looks exhausted. "No, sorry, you're you, and I get that Sherlock." He smiles, but it wavers. "I'm not blaming you."

And Sherlock can again see before him, spread out, and endless stream of platitudes, things he actually wants to say, sloppy, emotional things. But they would sound empty, even to his ears, and John would be skeptical. As it is, they sit in silence, and this time the silence is even more unbearable. Eventually John leaves for bed, and Sherlock stays in that arm chair, bundled to himself and thinking.

* * *

The morning brings no epiphany to him. John makes himself a breakfast and offers it to Sherlock in a characteristic show of selflessness. He eats, mostly to make John happy, and makes sure to refrain from any deprecating remarks.

John leaves for surgery before Sherlock can say anything at all. The flat is empty in a way it's never been before.

He has things he must say, and an idea forms. This way he won't have to say anything at all.

* * *

_John. -SH_

_What did I tell you bout texting me at work?_

_You left off a 'a' in front of your 'about.' -SH_

_Yes I know that. Why are you texting me? Is there a case?_

_I notice that despite your protests of being at work, you still find time to text back. -SH_

_If you don't have anything impotant to say, leave off._

_You spelled 'important' wrong. Also, I appreciate your company. -SH_

_Not all of us can have elegant violinist fingers. Also, what the hell is that supposed to mean?_

_Tip: proofread. And it means that I enjoy having you around. -SH_

_Not all of us can have hawkeyes. And you'll have to elaborate._

_You're being deliberately obtuse. -SH_

_Yes, I am. You'll just have to explain what you mean. Maybe you can make a spreadsheet._

_This isn't funny John. -SH_

_Actually, I'm finding it hilarious. Look, I really do have to work now. We can talk when I get home._

_If you ever tell anyone I said this I will post the video of you singing while making risotto on your blog, but you are the most brilliant idiot I've ever met and I feel honoured to be your friend. -SH**  
**_

* * *

That night, Sherlock is introduced to the concept of a hug. It is not entirely unpleasant.

Later, they are both assured and somehow, twice as strong.

* * *

**AN/ Okay, so maybe I went overboard at the end there...**

**Review? Please?**


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